


Albert, le petit chien

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Era, Gen, Pets, courfeyrac gets a dog, marius is scared of said dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-23 13:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23079151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Courfeyrac adopts an extremely ugly dog who for inexplicable reasons dislikes Marius.
Relationships: Courfeyrac & Marius Pontmercy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 9





	Albert, le petit chien

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evanaissante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evanaissante/gifts).



> based on a long conversation my good friend Evanaissante and i have had in a train station before parting.

Marius meets Albert for the first time after a long, fruitless walk through the Jardin du Luxembourg. He had hoped to see the girl he has been eyeing from a distance for already a few weeks now, but unfortunately neither she nor her father were there today, leaving him in a state of unease and infinite disappointment. This is why, his first reaction when he walks into the apartment he shares with his good friend Courfeyrac and sees the poor snarling creature crawling on the hardwood floor by his feet, is:

“Agh! A sewer rat!”

Courfeyrac comes running in in a certain state of disarray, and sighs in relief when he sees what is trying to somehow intimidate Marius; “There he is!” he cries, swooping the rat up in his arms and stroking his neck with two fingers, “I thought he had gotten stuck behind a shelf or something, and I was already contemplating how terrible a master I am! Marius, meet Albert. Albert, meet Marius.”

The creature is still glaring at Marius with its small, beady eyes.

“Courfeyrac, this is a _rat_.”

“Baron Pontmercy, do you even know what does a rat look like?” asks Courfeyrac, still stroking the creature, and now giving it gentle tickles behind its ear, “This is a dog, I found the poor thing while on my way back from Combeferre's. Look at him! How can one be as cruel as to abandon such an adorable little fur ball!”

The dog, as apparently it is one, is small, ill-looking, has ruffled grey hair that seems to stick together in places, is one-eyed and has only about half a right ear left. Its bark sounds like something in between a growl and a snarl and snot seems to be dripping from his nose constantly. It also has a missing limb. Marius does not, in fact, see the adorableness in this animal at all, but then again he assumes this is some sort of coping mechanism for Courfeyrac to deal with the absence of the pug he had to leave in the south, in the care of his sisters, when he moved up to Paris. Albert growls viciously at Marius. Marius whimpers.

“Where will it sleep?” he asks in a small voice.

“I am afraid he has already claimed your armchair as his own,” says Courfeyrac, before turning on his heels and stepping back into the main room of the apartment, cradling the beast and peppering it with little petnames, from which Marius only distinguishes _pitchoune_ and _bibi_.

-

Albert most definitely does not like Marius, which is a recipocrated feeling. His armchair has indeed been adopted by the dog, who snarls viciously at him and attacks his shoe as soon as he has the audaciousness to claim it back—soon he is in need of a new pair. There is dog hair everywhere in the apartment, on the carpets, the bed covers, the seats, etc., and there is no way in hell they're calling in a housemaid to do some cleaning as there are guns and powder hidden under every surface in the flat.

Courfeyrac's friends and members of the ABC soon meet the new pet as well—Courfeyrac has taken a habit of taking it everywhere he goes, holding it closely as it does not own warm knitted clothes—yet. He regularly kisses its hairy forehead which disgusts Marius beyond all levels of rationality.

Joly refuses to approach Albert, claiming that if it was _found_ , then it is most likely sick and covered in flees. And anyway he is allergic to dogs. Bossuet finds it quite likeable as the dog lets him stroke its neck, but does not want to hold it by fear of dropping it. Combeferre doesn't care much about it, sees it merely as another phase that his friend will eventually overcome when he finds a new point of interest in his life, or a mistress. He finds it ugly, bemoans Courfeyrac one evening, and Marius mentally sighs in relief that he is not alone in his opinions. Bahorel loves it, holds it high (much to all the other Amis' terror that he might drop it or make it go into cardiac arrest) and the dog seems almost too afraid to do anything else than sit stoically in Bahorel's colossus' hands when held by him. Prouvaire originally thought it was some sort of lizard apparently, Feuilly seems to feel sorry for it more than anything else (since it only has one eye, one and a half ear, three legs, a nose running faster than the Arpenaz waterfalls, seems incapable of _actually_ barking, etc.), and Enjolras simply does not care, having glanced at it once, sighed deeply, then proceded with the weekly meeting of les Amis de l'ABC.

On Courfeyrac's twenty-fourth birthday, Bahorel offers him a rather elegant bag in which it is possible to fit the entire dog, the bag being so big and the animal so small. This overjoys Courfeyrac who now carries Albert absolutely everywhere he goes alongside his papers and pamphlets, to the cafés and once even to a lecture, which his professor advises him not to repeat.

-

“I feel almost as though you prefer this animal to me,” sighs Marius on one evening while they are seated by the fireplace, Courfeyrac in his own armchair with the dog on his lap, and Marius on a wooden stool (the dog won't even allow him to sit in _his_ armchair, even when not actually using it).

“Do I sense jealousy, my dear Marius?”

“No,” responds Marius indignantly, “But you must admit that you have consecrated more time to Albert than to me in the past months you've had.... _him_.”

“Ah,” says Courfeyrac, more seriously, “So it is jealousy.”

“ _No_.”

“You know, dear friend, you shouldn't have to feel jealous of a dog,” he says, “I still like you very much, but you must understand that now that Albert is in the frame, you cannot have my undivided attention—you understand this, don't you, my dear?”

“I am not jeal-”

“I have noticed that you are quite afraid of Albert, but there really is no reason at all for such a thing. Albert is so small, so adorable, he could and would not ever attempt to harm anyone, would he, the poor dear,” he says in a babyish tone, almost pressing his nose into the dog's hair, which makes Marius internally cringe, “Look at him, the poor thing.”

Albert is drawling and its nose is still running. It glares at Marius with its only remaining eye, resembling a well pampered ball of ragged, grey fur onto which someone would have added three little limbs. It has become considerably fatter in the past weeks, the result of Courfeyrac's _dorlotage_ , spoilings, frequent treats, etc. It now resembles an obese sewer rat in Marius' eyes, and he looks at it with something that is not quite distant from pure loathing and disdain.

“I do not fear Albert,” he replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Then take him, just for a minute,” replies Courfeyrac, already standing up, “You haven't held him a single time ever since we have adopted him-”

“ _You_ have adopted him!”

“Just take him,” says Courfeyrac, handing Albert to Marius. He freezes as the animal makes contact with his lap and a squeal loses itself in his throat. The pet seems just as uncomfortable, growling lowly at Marius, who simply sits there, dumbly staring at it, arms hanging on both sides of the chair, tetanised and uncertain of what he should do. Albert is still glaring, his growls becoming gradually louder and tenser with every passing second. Courfeyrac sighs, exasperated; “Well, go on, hold him, give him a little _doudouce_.”

“What if it bites me?”

“ _He_ won't bite you, Marius, don't be silly!”

Marius whimpers and slowly reaches for the animal with one hand, who starts bearing his teeth—Marius is uncertain whether this is normal, and decides to ignore it and goes immediately for the beast's throat.

Approximately three seconds later, he is left crying and panicking and screaming for Courfeyrac to get the thing off him. Courfeyrac rushes to his help, pulls Albert away from him, scolding the dog with a series of: “No! No! Albert! No! Bad dog!” while Marius holds his wounded, bleeding hand.

“I am going to die,” he says, “I bet it has rabies.”

“He does not, Combeferre checked him.”

“Combeferre does not study veterinary,” cries Marius.

“He does in his free time!”

Courfeyrac puts the dog down and watches it snarl on the floor for a few seconds with his hands on his hips, before turning back to Marius and forcing him up to check the bite wound in a better light in order to clean it and bandage it. The whole time he mutters about how he would have never expected such a thing from his adorable little Albert, while Marius sighs melodramatically and acts as though he is about to pass out from all the emotions he is feeling.

-

A week later, Enjolras comes to Courfeyrac's lodgings and lets his eyes do a full 360° inspection of the apartment with a slightly disgusted look on his face. He ignores Marius completely who is lying only in underpants and an opened shirt on his bed with his journal. When Courfeyrac comes rushing into the main room, buttoning his waistcoat, Enjolras says: "Courfeyrac, this flat is filthy. Also you really need to lock your door for the night, anyone can get in."

"Well what do you want me to do?"

"Clean the place. And learn to lock your door."

The dog that has been taking a nap in Marius' armchair manages to roll off the cushions and lands on the floor, then painfully crawls all the way to Enjolras' feet, yapping happily at his legs. Enjolras ignores it.

"Looks like Albert likes you," says Courfeyrac, picking it up and stroking it with his forefinger under its fat little chin, and Enjolras rubs his forehead with the tip of his fingers in aggravation.

"I'm begging you Courfeyrac," says Enjolras, "Keep him away from me. I heard he bit Pontmercy."

"A regretful incident. He is usually as sage as an image. I do not know what possessed him in that moment."

The dog is still yapping excitedly at Enjolras who refuses to look at it.

"Just... promise me you won't ever make me hold him for you."

"I _promise_ ," Courfeyrac says.

-

When Grantaire sees the dog at the café Musain, he coos and asks Courfeyrac if he can hold it. Courfeyrac, wary, agrees and watches as Grantaire strokes its little head gently with the tip of a finger, which imediately reassures the owner.

"Look at this ugly little thing," he says, "we are one and the same in this retrospective, aren't we, you little _laideron_? Ah! Does he have a name, Courfeyrac? Can I make a suggestion? Petitaire! Is that not a genius idea?" Grantaire laughs at his own discovery while everyone looks at him with great consternation. The meeting hasn't started yet and all are waiting for Enjolras who, for some unknown reason, seems to be late. For Grantaire to be there before him is quite an exploit, actually. The man who doesn't seem as drunk as usual, but rather incredibly melancholic instead smiles gently at the dog, rubbing it with his knobby, twisted hands. Albert seems indifferent to these _papouilles_. It almost looks for an instant as though Grantaire is about to cry over this tiny, shabby-looking animal, but instead he only sighs deeply with infinite sadness pressed on his features, "O! Little Vulcanus, you too have been cast away, thrown away down the moutains for your ugliness and wretchedness! How much I relate! And yet you are the luckiest of us two for people have picked you up and loved you back. Thusly you are a God amongst mortals, you are-"

He is interrupted by Enjolras abrupt arrival, who immediately removes his hat and says in a breath, "Sorry for my belatedness, I got caught up with some francs-maçons. Let's get on with the meeting, shall we?"

Grantaire's mouth is still a bit open from his sentence cut midway, and stares at Enjolras with glassy eyes and great reverence. The dog is yapping excitedly again and attemps as much as it can to free itself from Grantaire's arms, who is jostled back to life when it almost manages to jump onto the floor, a solid two feet below (which is sufficient for it to break its remaining paws). Courfeyrac takes it back with a scowl but struggles with it as it is still trying to reach Enjolras, barking excitedly (coughing meekly) in his direction.

"I see the dog is attracted to beautiful things, too," sighs Grantaire, now pressing his head against the palm of his hand.

"Grantaire, I am begging you to shut up," says Joly.

-

The dog disappears some two months later, by which time Courfeyrac has had the time to order dog sized clothes for it. The end of the world, the apocalypse could not be less traumatising, thinks Marius as he watches Courfeyrac running around the apartment, panicking and desparately calling, "Albert? Albert! Albert?" while pulling curtains and pots and vases and sheets, looking absolutely devastated.

"Maybe it died under a bed," says Marius, secretely hoping that this is what happened. He still has scars on his hand from the bite marks.

"Marius, for once, I am begging you, please don't be so cruel!" says Courfeyrac, violently turning towards him, and Marius sees that his roommate and intimate friend is on the verge of tears, "I know you were never fond of him but please help me look for him!"

Marius accepts because he owes Courfeyrac that much, and soon he is also calling, "Albert? Albert! Albert?" around the flat.

After three hours of the same circus, Courfeyrac collapses in his armchair and holds his face in his hands, and Marius immediately comes closer to him, placing an uncertain hand on his back while kneeling next to his chair. His friend is crying.

"Oh, poor Albert! What have I done to ever make him leave? What terrible master I am!"

Marius attempts logic; "It is a dog, I doubt it has enough common sense to know what it is doing—it probably saw a door or- or a window open and ran towards it..."

This only makes Courfeyrac let out a high-pitched, strangled breath before crying more heavily, and Marius feels guilty. A knot forms in his throat and renders him speechless. They end up sitting there, unmoving, for the best of two hours despite Marius feeling his joints aching from his uncomfortable position on the floor. When he is finally feeling better, Courfeyrac rubs his eyes delicately with his handkerchief and blows his nose loudly in it before standing up and squeezing Marius' hand amicably.

"Thank you for your comforting, my dear friend," he says, puffy eyed and red-faced and offering Marius a faint smile.

"Of course," replies Marius, standing up from the ground and feeling his knees crack sinisterly, "I'm sorry Albert is gone."

Courfeyrac smiles very gently and embraces his friend, holding him very, very closely; "It's okay," he says, "At least I have you, Marius. No Albert, or any dog, or animal can possibly replace the love I feel for you, dearest friend."

Marius cannot help an uncontrollable smile from making its way onto his face.

**Author's Note:**

> clarification: no, marius did not get rid of albert


End file.
